Saturday 15 November 2008

Dannii Minogue

Dannii Minogue on Simon Cowell's vanity, how Sharon reduced her to tears, and her rivalry with Cheryl Cole

By Rebecca Hardy
Last updated at 11:00 PM on 14th November 2008

Dannii Minogue: The X Factor judge says she and Cheryl don't hang out - but that she remains fond of Simon
Dannii Minogue: The X Factor judge says she and Cheryl don't hang out - but that she remains fond of Simon

Dannii Minogue For the chop? Dannii Minogue, seen here at The National Television Awards last week, could be in her final year as an X Factor judge


Dannii Minogue is waving her fork around during lunch in a west London gastropub as she lays into Simon Cowell. Simon, you see, has let slip that 'pretty much everyone' he knows uses Botox. Pretty much everyone, that is, except the newest, youngest, shiniest addition to The X Factor judging panel, Girls Aloud's Cheryl Cole.

Now, Cheryl and Dannii have... well, let's call it 'history'. Dannii, 37, dismissed Girls Aloud as 'chavs'; Cheryl, 25, mocked Dannii's cosmetic surgery. Dannii is now indignant that Simon seems to have sided with the new girl.

'He's got more Botox in his body than anyone on TV ever. The fact that he should comment about that...' Dannii fumes, stabbing a piece of cod. Besides, she points out, she doesn't do Botox anymore. She pushes up her fringe, shows me her forehead and frowns.

'It changes your face - you can see that with Simon. Did you see the TV awards? [Cowell recently won the Special Recognition Award at the National Television Awards.]

In the footage they went back to his Pop Idol days, and I think it's hilarious the amount he's changed over the years. But he seems to be pretty open about it. I liked his answer when he was asked what he would take to a desert island if he could only have one thing. He said, "A mirror, otherwise I'd miss myself". He means it. He's that vain. He loves himself - he really does. And he's very honest about it. He says, "If I'm not going to say I'm great, who else is?" You can only admire that, and that's why people love him.'

His girlfriends? Dannii laughs so much she almost chokes on her fish. These days, she's a dab hand at the Punch and Judy slapstick that has made The X Factor such a must-watch.

The morning we meet, there have been reports she's going to be dumped from the next series. Apparently, Cheryl has usurped her in the younger, prettier stakes. When I put this to her, plucked eyebrows meet in a genuine frown. 'Look, nobody's safe,' she says. 'Louis Walsh left, then he came back. I don't run the show, so I'll accept whatever happens - but I'd love to be there. As far as I know it's just a silly story.'

What about Cheryl? Are the suggestions of rivalry between them silly, too? 'Cheryl and I don't hang out outside work, and in the studio we're all very competitive. The judges are as much a part of the reality TV as the contestants. I try to stay away from the media hype - I go to work and do my job, but I understand that it gets everyone talking.'

Whatever she may feel about Cheryl, Dannii is actually rather fond of Simon Cowell. He was, after all, 'incredibly supportive' last year when a series of catfights erupted between her and queen judge Sharon Osbourne.

Dannii Minogue

Dannii has stopped the Botox to reveal an extraordinarily expressive face

Louis sided with his old mucker Sharon, amid rumours that they regularly reduced Dannii to tears. She's relieved that the nastiness has ended following Sharon's departure from the show. 'Last year I had the best fun on the show, but there were ups and downs with Sharon,' she says.

'The hardest thing, having been such a fan of the show and the judges, was thinking, "Oh my God, I'm going to meet Sharon Osbourne" - then I walked into the room and she hated me. There was nothing I could do to change that, and it continued for the whole series. For ages I was asking myself, "What have I done wrong?" But the answer was just being there on the show and being female.'

It didn't help that Dannii also happens to be extremely pretty. I first interviewed her years ago when she was fresh from Australia and divorced from Nip/Tuck actor Julian McMahon, who also happened to be the son of a former Australian prime minister.

Botoxed from the scalp down, in those days she seemed brittle, plastic - the surgically-enhanced kid sister trying to keep in step with superstar Kylie.

Today, a decade older, she's much softer. I'm struck, not by the frozen pantomime face, but by her extraordinary eyes that seem to change colour depending upon her mood, one minute green, the next blue, but always empathetic.

Dannii is, in truth, an emotional woman, the sort who wears her heart on her sleeve. She always has been, but it's easier to know what she's thinking now she's stopped the Botox. For instance, when I mention her new squeeze, former Leeds Rhinos rugby league player Kris Smith, 30, her face lights up like a Christmas tree.

'I met him on holiday in the summer in Ibiza. I certainly wasn't looking to be with someone younger. But you meet someone, you like them... Let's just say I'm happy.' She beams. I wonder about marriage and children.

Following her divorce in 1995, she was engaged to French-Canadian racing driver Jacques Villeneuve. 'For me, having children is an extension of being with someone, loving them and bringing children into a happy environment. All the headlines about Kylie and me - "unhappy in love", "desperately single" - that's not how we are. Of course, when you're single you think, "I'd love to share my life with someone." That's how I've always been. My dream would be to be with someone I love to be with, but it has to be the right person.'

It would be nice to see Dannii happily settled. She has, after all, been through the mill in the past few years. Firstly, her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, quickly followed by her best friend, who died of the disease at the age of 36.

With model and actor Julian McMahon on their wedding day

With model and actor Julian McMahon on their wedding day

'Kylie was on tour in Australia when she found out she had cancer and I was in London,' she says. 'It was awful being so far away and trying to get on the first plane home before the news hit the headlines. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way and I was chased, like a hunted animal, by the media. It was extremely distressing.

'I don't see Kylie as my famous sister. We're just two girls in a family. We all wanted to protect her and for her to get better. It was difficult to have the world looking in on something private, analysing and assessing it.

'There are always moments in your life when you throw your hands up and say, "Why?", even though you know you're not going to get an answer. It never crossed my mind that Kylie was going to do anything other than get better. There was no way I could think of anything other than that. I just thought, "We've got to make her better."

'You start dipping into parts of your personality you weren't aware of before, because you'd never needed that sort of strength. There was a two-year period where it was just all hospitals and medical talk. Some days it was a real challenge. The treatments are exhausting and long. There are lots of questions - lots of new information every day. You don't know what's going on.

'Some days you get up and think, "I can't deal with this any more. I want to escape." Your mind plays tricks. You just have to be strong. Sometimes you glide through the difficult days; other times you think, "There's no way I'll make it to the end of the day." But you get on with it and you get through it.'

Kylie was nearing the end of her treatment when Dannii's close friend, whom she'd known for ten years and whose name she won't reveal, died. Her death so affected Dannii that, until recently, she's found it impossible to talk about her. Even now, she's often moved to tears.

'There was a period where she was in hospital undergoing treatment and there was hope. Then there was this sudden realisation that she was never going to come out of hospital.

Going there every day and seeing her being so brave was something else. I know now that not everything goes the way you want it to, but what's important is how you deal with those things.' How did she? 'I don't know. I'm still trying to work that out. I'm still trying to understand why my friend died. I still don't.'

Inspired by her friend and sister, Dannii has become involved in raising funds for the Olivia Newton-John Cancer and Wellness Centre Appeal, and took part in a sponsored walk along China's Great Wall earlier this year.

Not only did Dannii fulfill a lifetime's dream meeting her childhood idol, but Olivia, who is herself in remission from breast cancer, also asked her to work as an ambassador for her charity. 'Some days I don't even want to acknowledge that cancer exists,' she says. 'But on this walk I wanted to confront everything I've been through.'

Posing nude for Australian Playboy in 1995: It sold out in four days and was one of the top-selling issues ever

Posing nude for Australian Playboy in 1995: It sold out in four days and was one of the top-selling issues ever

Dannii is certainly made of steely stuff. She's been performing since she was seven and, in tough times, pulls her shoulders back and thinks, 'eyes, tap, teeth' - get out there, tap dance and smile.

She was appearing as a judge on Australia's Got Talent when Cowell saw a video of the show and thought she'd be great for The X Factor. 'Like most people, work is my escape. It helps take your mind off unhappy things. I didn't have a partner at time, which was hard. Even though I had my family around me, I've always been able to throw myself into my work.

'And Simon was a very good friend. When I joined The X Factor, I never thought I'd experience the nastiness I did. I understand that it was hard for Simon, Sharon and Louis to adjust to there being a fourth judge. But I was put there to make a difference to the show. I just didn't think it would have such a negative effect.'

But Sharon and Dannii are said to have had several furious behind-the-scenes rows, as well as one particularly heated on-screen confrontation, which resulted in the British star storming off the show. Sharon also claimed that Dannii was only on the show because she was younger, prettier and that Simon fancied her.

Dannii continues, 'the arguing really rocked Louis as well. He was upset because Sharon was. He was a really good friend of hers and sided with her. He said a lot of awful things about me last year. There were times when he seemed to be always getting at me, and I had to tell him to stop.' In fact, in one programme, Mrs Osbourne was seen chuckling as Louis poked fun at Dannii's singing ability.

'This was all happening backstage. It wasn't hyped. When you had Sharon appearing on Graham Norton's TV show talking about her hatred for me, and then I had to face her at work the next day, it was really hard.' Did they make her cry? 'Yes,' she says. 'I'm strong, but I can fall to pieces just like most people. I tried to get through it in private and deal with it in my own way. But I wasn't strong every day. Yes, it did upset me. Some days Sharon was nice to me and other days she wasn't.

'In the end we just stayed as far away from each other as we could. Obviously, the headlines were fantastic for the show, but I was honest to Simon. I said, "This is very difficult, very scary. How do I get through this?" He knew I was still dealing with losing my friend.'

Cowell gave Dannii confidence and taught her how to advise her singers. Last year, she mentored Leon Jackson, who went on to win the competition, and this time she has the over 25s. She says she remains fiercely competitive and protective of her proteges. But there have been reports that one of her acts, 26-year-old Rachel Hylton, has threatened to fire her mentor because she feels that Dannii is not giving her the right songs.

'We haven't fallen out,' she says. 'There has never been any discussion that Rachel wants to leave Team Minogue.' And then there's Daniel Evans, whose wife, Jacqueline, died last year after giving birth to their daughter. When I suggest that the 38-year-old crooner is only hanging in there on the sympathy vote, she starts waving that fork about again.

'He's still here,' she snaps back. 'It's amazing to work with someone who's been through so much. Louis and Simon are trying to get rid of him. Sometimes, I don't like to see it. I've said to the guys, "There's being constructive and there's being nasty". But Cheryl's going to be the one to beat this year. All the girls in her category are strong, and she's doing an incredible job.'

So all those stories about more fireworks among the judges, particularly Dannii and Cheryl, aren't true, then? She frowns in mock exasperation. 'Because of what happened last year, there's bound to be an interest in how we all get on. But I seem to give the answers people don't want. I've been through it before, when I first came to Britain. There were all these headlines that Kylie and I mustn't be getting along because we were in the same business.

'Funnily enough, that only stopped when Kylie was diagnosed with cancer. People saw that I loved her. She's my sister. I would do anything for her. It's just a pity they didn't listen to me when I said it before.'

The X Factor is on Saturday evenings on ITV1.

DANNII MINOGUE: A LIFE IN PICTURES

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HomeAndAway.bmp

From left: A teenage Dannii practises her poses for the camera; Dannii and Kylie showing early promise; as a fresh-faced actress on Home & Away

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Fundraiser.bmp
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From left: Celebrating the release of her hit single 'This Is It'; on a fundraising walk in London; at a dress rehearsal for the Royal Variety performance

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AussieBrits.bmp
Unleashed.bmp

From left: Attending the Australian version of the Brit awards; just-divorced Dannii sees if blondes have more fun; promoting her sell-out Unleashed tour of Britain

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Left, at the film premiere of 'As Good As It Gets', and right, with her co-judge Cheryl Cole on the X Factor

Here's what readers have had to say so far. Why not add your thoughts below?

A very interesting read about an inspiring woman! I love watching her on X Factor every week.

- Tom, Manchester, UK, 14/11/2008 23:21

Yeh but, Danni is fabulous and although Cheryl is beautiful she does does not have the sane attraction.

And I think Cheryl is wonderful

- Russell, Dorset, UK, 15/11/2008 0:40

She has every good reason to be jealous of Cheryl who is gorgeous!!!!

- Hazel Anne Larmour, Newtownards,N.Ireland, 15/11/2008 1:08

Danii should just age gracefully for a change

- Keith Price, Luton, England, 15/11/2008 1:08

She looks absolutely NOTHING like in earlier pictures, in fact I think she looks worse, sculpted, skinny, botoxed,fake, tucked and lipoed ! She should have stuck to being 'eau natural' she looked much prettier.
I have an old video from the Brit Awards and I would never have recognised her !

- Deb, Dorset, 15/11/2008 1:17

Yawn, what is she famous for again? Go back to Australia.........

- Jemima, Sheffield, 15/11/2008 1:25

I don't know why they all have it in for Danni I like her on the show.

- Heather, Lancaster, 15/11/2008 1:49

Lovely Dannii seems to be the most genuine of them all.

- Pamela, Hatfield UK, 15/11/2008 2:05

I like Dannii, not quite as much as Kylie, but she is ok - all this wrangling is to boost the ratings and hope for some on air spat between the girls. I am not sad that Mrs O, or the alleged Mother to the nation, is no longer on the juges panel. They are all paid very well for their contributions to the show, lest we forget. If I hated someone, I would still smile sweetly for the odd million quid. This is a money making machine, carefully executed and well orchestrated, cras, but worth watching, just for a laugh. It is always fun, thinking which comments will be used, what disease the contestants will have this week, who thinks their life will end if they are voted out, who is singing for their Mum, who wants to give their family a better life, a visit back to school, for the primed kids to cheer right on cue. Simon is certainly no fool and to be fair, he does a lot of work for animal charities, giving away large sums of money, so that gets my approval.

- Daniel, Lancashire, 15/11/2008 2:37

Danni is gracious and talented, she has always carried herself with dignity and we love her for it. Botox or not... who cares.

- James, Sydney, Australia, 15/11/2008 2:38

no wonder danni minogue is mentor for daniel and rachel , the three of them have something in common with eahc other.. they all want sympathy votes.. first with Danni its her failed marriage to julian mcmahon. then with Xfactor oh poor danni ,, sharon osbourne doesnt like her. then how she is going to get kicked off the X factor. now how cheryl is simons davourite and how ehr and cheryl dont get on... Danni have you ever thought it may be something to do with you... not every one else... for god sake get over it ...why dont you go do something constructive like pantomime you would be good in that

- pam gibbons, larnaca cyprus, 15/11/2008 6:25

A really good piece Rebecca. An interview like this shows Dannii in a very different light to the Dannii of the tabloid headlines. I think there is a lot to be admired about the lady. It seems she was just an innocent victim of "Hurrican Sharon", a girl in the wrong place at the wrong time. All credit to her for weathering the storm and coming out strong.

- terry hyatt, mansfield, uk, 15/11/2008 7:29

What is she actually good at?

- malcolm, cambridge, 15/11/2008 8:01

Dannii seems like a nice girl who just wants to work. Stop trying to create rivalry where there is none.

- meme, Leeds, 15/11/2008 8:27

It has become fashionable now for women in their 30s,40s and 50s to go out with much younger men,something they certainly know will almost certainly not last,but at least they have fun.Whatever age of your partner you choose it does not last anyway,you have a child or two and move on.Maybe they just accept the inevitable and relax.

- Gail, Bucks, 15/11/2008 8:54

Why is she a judge on a singing competition? How can she advise others when her own singing career has never taken off?

- sasha, london, 15/11/2008 8:54

Danni has gotten more gorgeous and sexy as she's gotten older. And she has oodles more talent and intelligence than Cheryl.

- steve the poacher, Lincoln, UK, 15/11/2008 9:23

Botox or no botox, she still looks plastic!

- Nathalie, Manchester, UK, 15/11/2008 9:31

What a waste of space in this paper, Yes I know its what the young public want to see , and there was me thinking there'll always be an England
D Penney

- DAVID PENNEY, Plymouth, devon, 15/11/2008 9:55

Danni Get over yourself its all part and parcel if you cant stand the heat stay out of the kitchen. Personally I'm sick to death of the lot of you, all I'm interested in are the contestants. Not you bickering infertile foursome. I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU ALL DO A DISSAPERING ACT EXEPT FOR SIMON and get a panel in that are there for the contestants and not play one off against the other Louis should be ashamed of himself .And your last Saturday show was a disgrace Laura should never in a million years been sent of some kind of fix comes to mind.

- spriggles, Brighton East Sussex, 15/11/2008 9:55

I think they should all stop bickering amounst themselves and get on with the job they are there to do.. Thats Judge not make the show all about them.

- Jacqui Weems, Southampton, 15/11/2008 10:26

Tuesday 11 November 2008

Meet 'The Family': A new reality

Meet 'The Family': A new reality

After the attention-grabbing antics of programmes like Big Brother, can a deliberately low-key reality show captivate the nation? And should it even try? Robert Hanks reports

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

A mother at 18 and grandmother at 39, Jane showers her kids with affection but seems increasingly perturbed by the loss of her youth

Channel 4

A mother at 18 and grandmother at 39, Jane showers her kids with affection but seems increasingly perturbed by the loss of her youth

In the summer of 2002, the journalist Ron Suskind met a senior adviser to George W Bush to discuss an article he had written that displeased the White House. In the course of their talk, the adviser explained that he, Suskind, was part of "the reality-based community", who believed that solutions to problems emerge from the "judicious study of discernible reality"; this, the adviser informed him, was a mistake: in the new dispensation "we create our own reality".

In retrospect, that conversation seems very zeitgeisty. Though the White House man was talking specifically about the extent of American power – and at this point in history, I probably don't need to rub in the irony – the idea that reality is something you create rather than observe was evidently in the air. Hence the seemingly bizarre term "reality television" for programmes that worked by placing people in highly artificial, often stressful situations and watching them struggle to cope. These programmes have dominated television schedules, and the imaginations of the people who draw them up, for years: Big Brother, Survivor, Faking It, Wife Swap, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, The Apprentice, The Secret Millionaire... Meanwhile, the old-fashioned documentary, the kind that involves trying to capture ordinary life on camera as it happens, was pushed to the sidelines.

On the surface, The Family, which starts an eight-week run tonight on Channel 4, looks like a return to first principles, quite consciously returning to territory pioneered by Paul Watson in his 1974 BBC series of the same name. Back then, Watson and his camera crew spent three months, 18 hours a day, filming the Wilkins family of Reading – Margaret, Terry and their children Gary, Marian, Heather and Chris; the resulting series, broadcast over 12 weeks, gained audiences of 10 million, made a star out of Margaret, and filled the columns of the press with controversy. Many thought – as Watson intended they should – that this was an extraordinary moment of liberation: for the first time, television was showing us people like ourselves, leading fractious, untidy, imperfect lives. For others, including Mary Whitehouse, the Wilkinses were a terrible example to the nation, with their foul language and loose living (Marian was, shockingly, allowed to live at home with her boyfriend). Margaret and Terry's divorce, shortly afterwards, was widely taken as evidence of the destructive power of television, though Margaret remained friends with Watson until her death, last month.

This time around, the cameras are trained on the Hughes family of Canterbury: Simon and Jane, and their four children, Jessica (who lives down the road with her fiancé and their year-old baby), Emily, Charlotte and Tom. They were filmed for 100 days, using 21 tiny cameras dotted around their semi-detached house. The director this time is Jonathan Smith, whose CV includes a Bafta for Make Me Normal (2005), a serious and very moving film for Channel 4 about a school in south London for autistic children; and he has explicitly disavowed any ambition to jazz things up, praising the Hugheses as "pretty unremarkable" and "an antidote to some of the larger-than-life characters we see on television today."

But in many ways, this stab at filming the family is very different. Some of the differences reflect the way society has changed: in particular, you notice just how much better off the Hugheses are than the Wilkinses were. Where the Wilkinses were poked into a small flat, the Hugheses' house is spacious and cluttered with desirable stuff – CDs, soft furnishings, hatboxes, antiques – which reflects, in part, the extraordinary material comfort that most of us enjoy compared with previous generations. But there have also been important shifts in the way film-makers approach their material. In theory, every new advance in filming technology should allow film-makers to achieve a closer approximation to reality – smaller cameras let them get closer, without obtruding on the scene; digital storage lets them film for longer. In fact, it's been the cash machine all over again: cash machines were supposed to give bank staff more freedom to attend to customers' needs; instead, they gave banks more freedom to sack staff. There is a danger here that new video technology, rather than allowing us to transcend familiar narratives, has made the narratives easier to control.

At any rate, it's hard, watching The Family (2008) to resist the sense that you are being told what to think. An introductory voiceover informs you that Emily, 19, is "the wild child", that Charlotte, 17, is "the clever one"; Tom, 14, gives little snatches of scripted-sounding narration, explaining that his mother is depressed – she says because Emily goes out so much, "but I think it's more than that." Music is used to add emotional resonances – at one point, a recording of Neil Diamond singing "Sweet Caroline" plays over the household's early morning preparations, timed so that the climactic line "Touching me, touching you" matches Simon and Jane's goodbye embrace as he sets off to work.

Of course, documentary makers always shape their material, always editorialise, even when they're trying not to; a recognition of that is implied in John Grierson's famous definition of documentary, "the creative use of actuality". Watson himself acknowledged in an interview a couple of years ago that, as a "boring young lefty", he had an agenda when he made The Family (1974). To some extent, the changed emphasis of Smith's film reflects changes in the nation: we are far less interested in politics than we were 34 years ago, in the era of the Three-Day Week, power-cuts, earth-shaking conflicts between government and unions. The Family (2008) is much more soft-centred – the Hugheses are a very affectionate family, in which the parents may scream at the children (mainly Emily, who screams back with equal force), but they also lark about, dance, sing, and cuddle with them; Simon, in particular, is a modern father, very different from the Seventies models, cooking meals and offering warmth rather than discipline.

It goes further than political apathy, though: the fixed cameras mean that The Family (2008) is weirdly shorn of context – we don't find out, at least in the first episode, what the job is that Simon is setting out for, or what Jane does, or where the children are at school, or who their friends are; we don't even have much sense of what time of year it is. The family, the message seems to be, is the be-all and end-all. But the effect is strangely like watching the inmates of the Big Brother house. That's not coincidental: the whole filming set-up, with fixed cameras wired to an editing suite in the house next door, is based on Big Brother. The Family (2008) is a valuable and, I'm sure, honestly intended portrait of modern life; but its limitations prove that whether we like it or not, reality TV has changed the way we view reality for ever.

'The Family' starts tonight at 9pm on Channel 4

Channel 4's new reality show about loving family with nothing to hide

Last Updated: 12:01am BST 31/08/2008
Page 1 of 3

The Hughes family have so little to hide that they let Channel 4 film their every move for four months. But what will a nation used to the freaks and fracas of reality TV think of a family that has no problems? Paul Kendall reports. Photography by Laura Hynd

Click. Whirr. The remote-control camera spins round and re-focuses. In front of an enormous plasma television, two teenage girls are dancing to the latest hits on MTV. As they jump and slide across the floor, their younger brother slumps on a sofa, smiling while they execute mock pirouettes and comedy kicks. Moments later, their parents - both in their forties, both still attractive - return from a night out, dash into the room and join in the silliness. The film fades out, then in again. With music still booming from the television, the children kiss their parents goodnight and trot obediently to bed. Left alone, the couple turn down the volume, drape their arms around each other and smooch to the Bob Marley song Could You Be Loved. Harmony reigns.

The Family
The Family: (from left) Emily, Simon, Jane, Ruby, Charlotte, Tom and Jessica

This, believe it or not, is the future of reality TV. In an astonishing about-turn, Channel 4, the station that brought us the relentless outrages of Big Brother, is about to broadcast an observational documentary series about a family that loves each other and doesn't really have any problems. Entitled simply The Family, it will chronicle the day-to-day lives of the Hugheses from Canterbury in Kent. Chosen from thousands for their down-to-earth domesticity, Simon and Jane Hughes and their children Jessica, Emily, Charlotte and Tom were filmed around the clock for almost four months.

Twenty-one remote-control cameras and 16 microphones were installed in their home, a three-bedroom, semi-detached cottage, earlier this year, and the house next door was converted into a production gallery, where the film-makers monitored their movements day and night on a bank of screens resembling a CCTV control centre. It was horribly intrusive, but the Hugheses didn't care. They simply had nothing to hide.

Of course, there were the normal arguments that all families with three teenage children have (Jessica, the eldest daughter, is 22 and lives a mile-and-a-half away with her husband, Patrick, and their 10-month-old daughter, Ruby). Emily - 19, monosyllabic and rude - wanted to go out every night to party with friends in the town's bars and clubs. Tom, 14, got his ear pierced, listened to death metal, spent hours playing on his Nintendo Wii and had trouble concentrating at school. And Simon and Jane sometimes argued about the best way to handle these problems.

But that's as bad as it got. Despite the widely held belief that there is a crisis among Britain's youth - escalating rates of crime, underage sex, teenage pregnancies, obesity, binge drinking, drugs, bullying and depression - Channel 4 has chosen a bunch of well-adjusted grammar school children who look like they're all going to turn out just fine. They don't even swear very much.

'We're a very normal family,' says Jane when I meet her and the rest of her clan at home on a damp August afternoon. 'We have our ups and downs. We have problems that probably millions of families have, but we really love each other and we're there for each other. That's why we wanted to do the programme; to show the love that binds the whole thing together.' Simon, sitting next to her on their living-room sofa, concurs. He can't think of one thing he did, bar a suggestive aside to the camera about the effect he hoped a Barry White song would have on his wife, that will embarrass him when the series is aired. 'Thousands of families across the country are going to relate to all sorts of things we did and said in the programme,' he says with feeling. 'Such as teenagers that want their independence, or don't want to go to work, or won't get up in the morning.'

Most of the rows in the Hughes family take place between Simon and Emily. During part of the filming Emily was working in a clothes store, but regularly calling in sick after being out all night drinking. She eventually lost her job, and her less-than-dynamic approach to finding another one started to annoy Simon. A typical argument ran like this:

Simon: 'How's the job-hunting going?'

Emily: 'Fine'

Simon: 'Did you get a copy of the Kentish Gazette?'

Emily: 'No'

Simon: 'With all the latest jobs in?'

Emily: 'I just said "No"!'

Thousands of similar conversations (if you can call them that) take place in households across Britain every day. An exchange between Simon and Tom will also ring a lot of bells. Staring at his son slumped across the dinner table, Simon yells: 'Please get your head off the table, Tom. Have some table manners!' To which Tom replies: 'It's on my ARM!'

But for all their stroppiness, Emily and Tom are not bad children. They pose dutifully - along with Charlotte and Jessica - for The Sunday Telegraph's photographer while I speak to their parents, and once they've been dismissed, both fuss over Jessica's daughter Ruby with obvious affection. In fact, I feel sorry for Tom, forced to grow up in a house full of girls. When I ask him how he copes, he just buries his head in his hands. Who is he most close to, I ask? 'Jess and Emily,' he says. 'So I'm your least favourite?' asks Charlotte immediately, sounding genuinely hurt. 'You don't speak to me!' replies Tom, and then, turning to me: 'She doesn't speak to me at all.'

Charlotte certainly seems the quietest of the siblings and the most academic, studying philosophy, English, social anthropology, Italian, maths and biology for the Baccalaureate, which she is sitting instead of A-levels next summer. On the day of my visit, she has just returned from two weeks in Grand Canaria, where she has managed to cultivate the most extraordinary tan. It is good timing: the family are in the middle of final preparations for Jess's wedding, which is due to be filmed for the series, and all the girls are anxious to look their best. Jess and Jane have also got tans, but I suspect theirs have come from the chemist.

Tom, meanwhile, is decked out in surf shorts, a Rip Curl black T-shirt and black socks and looks like he has just got up. 'What have you done with your hair?' asks Emily, attempting to pat it down with her hand. 'I don't know; it's just what it's doing today,' he mumbles, pushing her away.

It's only alluded to in the series, but both Simon and Jane are Christians and go to church every Sunday. Simon also runs Alpha courses, the 10-week introductions to Christianity, while Jane works full-time at a church-funded shelter for pregnant, homeless teenagers. On their shelves are videos with titles such as Gaining New Perspectives, The Anointed Leader and Prayer Minister Training and books called Surrender to the Voice of God. But they're far from fanatical Bible-bashers. 'We weren't Christians for most of our parenting years,' says Simon, laying his arm along the back of the sofa. 'And we think that the graceful approach is to allow the kids to know who we are and what we believe and where we stand without insisting that they follow us every Sunday to church.' The couple seem eminently sensible, but it's hard not to be suspicious. What is Channel 4, the station that specialises in portraying society's dysfunctional misfits, up to? For the answer, you probably have to look back at another series, also called The Family, which was the inspiration for this new show.

The Family

Made by Paul Watson in 1974, it was the first fly-on-the-wall documentary that captured the public's imagination and made celebrities out of ordinary people. The Wilkinses, a working class family living in a flat above a greengrocer's in Reading, were shown indulging in extramarital sex, using bad language and drinking until they were paralytic. The matriarch, Margaret (who died earlier this month), caused a storm when she admitted that her husband, Terry, was not the father of her youngest son. And their 15-year-old daughter Heather stirred up controversy when she revealed she was in a relationship with a boy of mixed-race parentage.

These are all quite commonplace issues today, but at the time they provoked the ire of politicians, newspaper editors and thousands of members of the public. 'I cannot see the necessity of prying into the private lives of any family,' wrote one newspaperman, 'but if it is to be done, then why not choose a family with high ideals, intellectual pursuits, aesthetic appreciation and moral stamina?' Ten million people knew why, and tuned in regularly to watch the 'real-life soap'. When the eldest daughter Marian married her boyfriend Tom in front of the cameras, 20,000 people thronged the streets outside the church and the family were mobbed by paparazzi. Britain had seen nothing like it since the marriage of Princess Margaret and Antony Armstrong-Jones.

And so began a new chapter in television history. Since The Family, Mark One, every dark and dismal corner of our lives has been poked by a camera lens and prodded by a microphone. Human beings, as John Humphrys put it a few years ago, 'have been turned into freaks for us to gawp at.' Accepting an award at the Bafta television awards this year, even Paul Watson, who has been called the father of reality TV, took the opportunity to distance himself from the 'sneering, bullying' nature of much modern broadcasting. 'I'm certainly not the father of such bastards,' he declared.

The Family, mark two, is Channel 4's response to all this. Despite the ground-breaking way in which it was filmed, the series is almost wilfully old-fashioned. Compared with a programme like Wife Swap - in which two wives go to live with each other's families for 10 days - it moves extremely slowly. An entire 50-minute episode is devoted to the issue of Tom's bedtime (should it be moved from 9.30 to 10pm?); there are long, lingering shots of a light switch on the landing, or a flight of stairs. In fact, the cameras never stray out of the family home, save for the occasional shot of the outside of the house. And, unlike the majority of reality shows that tell the viewer what to think, The Family features hardly any narration.

'We wanted to produce an honest portrait of family life in the 21st century,' says the director, Jonathan Smith. 'A format like Wife Swap is entertaining, but it does not necessarily represent real life.' Smith also wanted to focus on a family 'that worked.' In the last scene of the final episode of the 1970s series, Margaret was asked what she thought life would be like once the cameras had left. 'Our life carries on,' she replied. 'I hope nobody does get anything out of this because that way none of us will change. And I think there can be a lot of pitfalls if somebody became an actor, an actress or a model out of something like this. I think it could be disastrous because it takes you away from your family.'

None of the family did become actors or models (without wishing to be cruel, the latter was especially unlikely), but their lives did change enormously. Margaret's 23-year marriage to Terry ended after a year and they divorced in 1978. And Marian's marriage to Tom lasted seven years. Altogether, the four Wilkins children have had five failed marriages and 14 children between them. Gary, the Wilkins's eldest son, severed relations with Margaret, and his brother, Christopher, who was nine at the time of filming, was said to be angry with his mother for revealing that he had been born as a result of an affair. He went on to experiment with drugs and served a lengthy prison sentence for crimes the family have refused to discuss.

Despite this, Margaret remained proud of her status as television's first reality star and, although there were things she wished she'd never said on the show, she never regretted taking part. Speaking in 2003, she said: 'When you see your life through other people's eyes, it does change things. The only advice I would give to anyone tempted to take part in a reality show is to think twice. The film-makers are going to exploit you - they are not your friends. It's hard, though, because you relax when the cameras are with you 24 hours a day.'


The Family

Simon and Jane had never seen the original series when they were approached to star in 2008's The Family, but since the end of filming they have seen one episode and been told how the lives of the Wilkins family turned out. Simon remains sanguine. 'It's very different today,' he says. 'There are hundreds of reality shows on TV. There will be people who will recognise us for a short amount of time and then there will be another programme. Our lives will change for a little while and then be back to normal.'

It took a year for the production company, Firefly, to find its stars. Researchers visited schools, gave out flyers at shopping centres and sent thousands of letters to families who met their criteria. And, before meeting the Hugheses, Smith and his team settled on another family in another part of Britain. Smith won't tell me who they were, but he admits he went as far as installing all the cameras in their house - a process that took 10 days - before the parents said they'd changed their mind.

He must have been furious, but betrays none of that anger now, saying simply: 'I think it was probably the right decision for them.'

How did the Hugheses feel about the cameras following their every move? Perhaps it says something about today's surveillance society and our changing sense of privacy that none of them thought it particularly strange. 'I got used to them very quickly,' says Jane. 'We all just got on with our lives.'


Channel 4 is billing the series as a 'compelling and distinctive new observational documentary'. It is a courageous move by the broadcaster. But with none of the cruelty or manipulation that we've come to expect, one has to wonder: will anyone be watching?

  • 'The Family' begins on Channel 4 on Wednesday, 17 September at 9pm


  • Common Bugs in Writing

    Common Bugs in Writing

    1. Avoid use of passive tense if at all possible. Example: "In each reservation request message, a refresh interval used by the sender is included." reads better and shorter as "Each ... message includes ..."
    2. Use strong verbs instead of lots of nouns and simple terms rather than fancy-sounding ones. Examples:
      verbose, weak verbs, bad short, strong, good
      make assumption assume
      is a function of depends on
      is an illustration illustrates, shows
      is a requirement requires, need to
      utilizes uses
      had difference differed
    3. Check for missing articles, particularly if your native tongue doesn't have them. Roughly, concepts and classes of things don't, most everything else more specific does. ("Routers route packets. The router architecture we consider uses small rodents.") Don't use articles in front of proper nouns and names ("Internet Explorer is a popular web browser. The current version number is 5.0. Bill Gates did not write Internet Explorer.") [NEED POINTER HERE]
    4. Each sentence in a paragraph must have some logical connection to the previous one. For example, it may describe an exception ("but", "however"), describe a causality ("thus", "therefore", "because of this"), indicate two facets of an argument ("on the one hand", "on the other hand"), enumerate sub-cases ("first", "secondly") or indicate a temporal relationship ("then", "afterwards"). If there are no such hints, check if your sentences are indeed part of the same thought. A new thought should get its own paragraph, but still clearly needs some logical connection to the paragraphs that preceded it.
    5. Protocol abbreviations typically do not take an article, even if the expanded version does. For example, "The Transmission Control Protocol delivers a byte stream" but "TCP delivers a byte stream", since it an abstract term. ("The TCP design has been successful." is correct since the article refers to the design, not TCP.)

      Note that abbreviations for organizations do take a definite article, as in "The IETF standardized TCP."

      Since the "P" in TCP, UDP and similar abbreviations already stands for "protocol", saying the "the TCP protocol" is redundant, albeit common. (LCD, Liquid Crystal Display, is another common case where many are tempted to incorrectly write LCD display. Indeed, Google references 2,060,000 instances of that usage.)

    6. Use consistent tense (present, usually, unless reporting results achieved in earlier papers).
    7. None: None can take either singular or plural verbs, depending on the intended meaning (or taste). Both none of these mistakes are common and none of these mistakes is common are correct, although other sources only lists the singular and The Tongue untied makes finer distinctions based on whether it refers to a unit or a measure.
    8. Use hyphens for concatenated words: "end-to-end architecture", "real-time operating system" (but "the computer may analyze the results in real time"), "per-flow queueing", "flow-enabled", "back-to-back", ...

      In general, hyphens are used

      • adding prefixes that would result in double vowels (except for co-, de-, pre-, pro-), e.g., supra-auditory;
      • all-: all-around, all-embracing;
      • half-: half-asleep, half-dollar (but halfhearted, halfway);
      • quasi-: quasi-public
      • self-: self-conscious, self-seeking (but selfhood, selfless)
      • to distinguish from a solid homograph, e.g., re-act vs. react, re-pose vs. repose, re-sign vs. resign, re-solve vs. resolve, re-lease vs. release
      • A compound adjective made up of an adjective and a noun in combination should usually be hyphenated. (WiT, p. 230) Examples: cold-storage vault, hot-air heating, short-term loan, real-time operating system, application-specific integrated circuit, Internet-based.
      • words ending in -like when the preceding word ends in 'l', e.g., shell-like
    9. Don't overuse dashes for separation, as they interrupt the flow of words. Dashes may be appropriate where you want to contrast thoughts very strongly or the dash part is a surprise of some sort. Think of it as a very long pause when speaking. In many cases, a comma-separated phrase works better. If you do use a dash, make sure it's not a hyphen (- in LaTeX), but an em-dash (--- in LaTeX).
    10. Avoid scare quotes, as they indicate that the writer is distancing himself from the term.
    11. Numbers ten or less are spelled out: "It consists of three fields", not "3 fields".
    12. Use until instead of the colloquial till.
    13. Use. Eq. 7, not Equation (7), unless you need to fill empty pages.
    14. Optimal can't be improved - more optimally should be better or maybe more nearly optimal.
    15. Avoid in-line enumeration like: "Packets can be (a) lost, (b) stolen, (c) get wet." The enumeration only interrupts the flow of thought.
    16. Avoid itemization (bullets), as they take up extra space and make the paper read like PowerPoint slides. Bullets can be used effectively for emphasis of key points. If you want to describe components or algorithms, often the description environment works better, as it highlights the term, providing a low-level section delineation.
    17. Instead of "Reference [1] shows" or "[1] shows", use "Smith [1] showed" or "Smith and Jones [1] showed" or "Smith et al. [1] showed" (if more than two authors). "et al." is generally used for papers with more than two authors. (Note that "et al." makes the subject plural, so it is "Smith et al. [1] show" not "shows".) Or, alternatively, "the foobar protocol [1] is an example ...". This keeps the reader from having to flip back to the references, as they'll recognize many citations by either author name or project name. No need to refer to RFC numbers in the text (except in RFCs and Internet Drafts). Exception for very low-level presentation: "RFC822-style addresses".
    18. Use normal capitalization in captions ("This is a caption", not "This is a Caption").
    19. All headings must be capitalized consistently, either in heading style, capitalizing words, or sentence style, across all levels of headings. Generally, captions for figures and tables are best left in sentence style.
    20. Parentheses or brackets are always surrounded by a space: "The experiment(Fig. 7)shows" is wrong; "The experiment (Fig. 7) shows" is right.
    21. Avoid excessive parenthesized remarks as they make the text hard to read; fold into the main sentence. Check whether the publication allows footnotes - some magazines frown upon them. More than two footnotes per page or a handful per paper is a bad sign. You probably should have applied to law school instead.
    22. The material should make just as much sense without the footnotes. If the reader constantly has to look at footnotes, they are likely to lose their original place in the text. As a matter of taste, I find URLs better placed in the references rather than as a footnote, as the reader will know that the footnote is just a reference, not material important for understanding the text.
    23. There is no space between the text and the superscript for the footnote. I.e., in LaTeX, it's text\footnote{} rather than text \footnote{}.
    24. Check that abbreviations are always explained before use. Exceptions, when addressed to the appropriate networking audience: ATM, BGP, ftp, HTTP, IP, IPv6, RSVP, TCP, UDP, RTP, RIP, OSPF, BGP, SS7. Be particularly aware of the net-head, bell-head perspective. Even basic terms like PSTN and POTS aren't taught to CS students... For other audiences, even terms like ATM are worth expanding, as your reader might wonder why ATM has anything to do with cells rather than little green pieces of paper.
    25. Never start a sentence with "and". (There are exceptions to this rule, but these are best left to English majors.)
    26. Don't use colons (:) in mid-sentence. For example, "This is possible because: somebody said so" is wrong - the part before the colon must be a complete sentence.
    27. Don't start sentences with "That's because".
    28. In formal writing, contractions like don't, doesn't, won't or it's are generally avoided.
    29. Be careful not to confuse its with it's (it is).
    30. Vary expressions of comparison: "Flying is faster than driving" is much better than "Flying has the advantage of being faster" or "The advantage of flying is that it is faster.".
    31. Don't use slash-constructs such as "time/money". This is acceptable for slides, but in formal prose, such expressions should be expanded into "time or money" or "time and money", depending on the meaning intended.
    32. Avoid cliches like "recent advances in ...".
    33. Don't use symbols like "+" (for "and"), "%" (for "fraction" or "percentage") or "->" (for "follows" or "implies") in prose, outside of equations. These are only acceptable in slides.
    34. Avoid capitalization of terms. Your paper is not the U.S. Constitution or Declaration of Independence. Technical terms are in lower-case, although some people use upper case when explaining an acronym, as in "Asynchronous Transfer Mode (ATM)".
    35. Expand all acronyms on first use, except acronyms that every reader is expected to know. (In a research paper on TCP, expanding TCP is probably not needed - somebody who doesn't know what TCP stands for isn't likely to appreciate the rest of the paper, either.)
    36. Each paragraph should have a lead sentence summarizing its content. If this doesn't work naturally, the paragraph is probably too short. Try reading just the first lines of each paragraph - the paper should still make sense. For example,
      There are two service models, integrated and differentiated service. Integrated service follows the German approach that anything that isn't explicitly allowed is verboten. It strictly regulates traffic, but also makes the trains run on time. Differentiated service follows the Animal Farm appraoch, where some traffic is more equal than others. It seems simpler, until one has to worry about proletariat traffic dressing up as the aristocracy.
    37. $i$th, not $i-th$.
    38. Units are always in roman font, never italics or LaTeX math mode. Units are set off by one (thin) space from the number. In LaTeX, use ~ to avoid splitting number and units across two lines. \; or \, produces a thin space.
    39. For readability, powers of a 1,000 are divided by commas.
    40. Use "kb/s" or "Mb/s", not "kbps" or "Mbps" - the latter are not scientific units. Be careful to distinguish "Mb" (Megabit) and "MB" (Megabytes), in particular "kb" (1,000 bits) and "KB" (1,024 bytes).
    41. It's always kHz (lower-case k), not KHz or KHZ. Units and Measurements, Taligent style guide
    42. Use "ms", not "msec", for milliseconds.
    43. Use "0.5" instead of ".5", i.e., do not omit the zero in front of the decimal point. (Words into Type recommends that "for quantities less than one, a zero should be set before the decimal point except for quantities that never exceed one.")
    44. Avoid "etc."; use "for example", "such as", "among others" or, better yet, try to give a complete list (unless citing, for example, a list of products known to be incomplete), even if abstract. See also Strunk and White:
      Etc.: Not to be used of persons. Equivalent to and the rest, and so forth, and hence not to be used if one of these would be insufficient, that is, if the reader would be left in doubt as to any important particulars. Least open to objection when it represents the last terms of a list already given in full, or immaterial words at the end of a quotation. At the end of a list introduced by such as, for example, or any similar expression, etc. is incorrect.
    45. If you say, "for example" or "like", do not follow this with "etc.". Thus, it's "fruit like apples, bananas and oranges". The "like" and "for example" already indicate that there are more such items.
    46. Avoid bulleted lists of one-sentence paragraphs. They make your paper look like a slide presentation and interfere with smooth reading.
    47. Avoid excessive use of "i.e.". Vary your expression: "such as", "this means that", "because", .... "I.e." is not the universal conjunction!
    48. Remember that "i.e." and "e.g." are always followed by a comma.
    49. Do not use ampersands (&) or slash-abbreviations (such as s/w or h/w) in formal writing; they are acceptable for slides.
    50. "respectively" is preceded by a comma, as in "The light bulbs lasted 10 and 100 days, respectively."
    51. "Therefore" and "thus" are usually followed by a comma, as in "Therefore, our idea should not be implemented."
    52. Never use "related works" unless you are talking about works of art. It's "related work".
    53. Similarly, "codes" refer to encryption keys, not multiple programs. You would say "I modified multiple programs", not "multiple codes".
    54. Use "in Figure 1" instead of "following figure" since figures may get moved during the publication or typesetting process. Don't assume that the LaTeX figure stays where you put it.
    55. Text columns in tables are left-aligned, numeric columns are aligned on the decimal or right-aligned.
    56. Section, Figure and Table are capitalized, as in "As discussed in Section 3". Figure can be abbreviated as Fig., but the others are not usually abbreviated, but that's a matter of taste - just be consistent.
    57. Section titles are not followed by a period.
    58. In LaTeX, tie the figure number to the reference, so that it doesn't get broken across two lines:
      Fig.~\ref{fig:arch}
    59. Do not use GIF images for figures, as GIFs produce horrible print quality and are huge. Export into PostScript. At that stage, you'll learn to "appreciate" Microsoft products. xfig and gnuplot generally produce PostScript that can be included without difficulties.
    60. Only use line graphs when you are trying to show a functional or causal relationship between variables. When showing different experiments, for example, use bar graphs or scatter plots.
    61. Figures show, depict, indicate, illustrate. Avoid "(refer to Fig. 17)". Often, it is enough to simply put the figure reference in parenthesis: "Packet droppers (Fig. 17) have a pipe to the bit bucket, which is emptied every night."
    62. If you quote something literally, enclose it in quotation marks or show it indented and in smaller type ("block quote"). A mere citation is not sufficient as it does not tell the reader whether you simply derived your material from the cited source or copied it verbatim.
    63. Technical report citations must have the name of the organization such as the university or company. Conferences must cite the location.
    64. Do not refer to colors in graphs. Most people will print the paper on a monochrome (black and white) printer and will have no idea what you are talking about. Make sure that graph lines are easily distinguishable when printing on a monochrome printer.
    65. Do not forget to acknowledge your funding support. If you do forget, you may not have any to acknowledge in the future.
    66. Check your references to make sure they are up to date. For example, Internet Drafts might have been replaced by RFCs and technical reports or workshop papers by conference or journal papers.
    67. Conference references should contain the location of the conference, the month and some indication such as "Proc. of" or "Conference". Journal references always contain the volume, issue number and pages. It must be obvious from the citation whether an article was in a journal or in a conference.
    68. Avoid numbers with artificial precision. Unless you have done enough experiments to be sure that the value measured is indeed meaningful to five digits after the decimal point, you're overstating your results.
    See also University of Minnesota Style Manual.